tuesday 2:50pm
i eat Reese's pieces , i bought a whole jar from costco. I actually had a decently light day. 7.5 hours compared to yesterdays 9. As of yesterday October 13th it began to get cold here in Oregon. I am wondering if we will have a colder fall/winter than usual. What a shame because i was just starting to start my heel collection and I cannot get those wet.
i had an emotional support meal when i got home. carne asada fries! my current food hyper-fixation. But i think that hyper-fixation might have ended today because im realizing that what i really want from the fries plate is the meat, in combo with guac & pico. ahaha and i spend $20 just to pick at it o jeez.
i also realized i mainly want to go to spirit halloween to buy thigh high stockings and wigs and face gems and possibly grey contour. ahah and a maid outfit, ive been fantasizing about cleaning in one. i need a good lingerie store, thats what i need honestly. but i guess i should go for the wigs! pink wig for sure 100%
im always busy it feels like but honestly i think im procrastinating going to the gym. and i have been for 3 months now. I was genuinely getting flustered with how dirty and cluttered my house has been. It feels like a non-stop constant project. Mostly because our apartment is tiny. hanging up some pictures, finishing a painting so i can hang it, finding a frame for my license plates, deep cleaning the storage shed, donating old books, buying new bedding. that i can do during the weekend i believe. I always worry about these things all day long. my existential anxiety is the worst at work.
I worry about what i havent done, what i need to do, finances, nutrition, relationships, the state of the world. I have gotten better since starting lexapro last april. much much better. but today i was very anxious in the morning. after first break i felt better. work is tiresome. I cannot wait until the slow season is here holy shit. i wish for straight 5s and 6s. mostly 5s. speaking of which i have until january to access my old notes from class to study. so that clock is ticking on that project .
i must walk the dog. but i want to contemplate forgiveness.